Guys, I found this badass new anime called Ouran High School Host Club. At first I was like “the fuck’s a host club man fuck this shit”, but they explain that shit right off:
Yeah, man. These dudes fuck rich chicks all day and get paid for it. That’s the life.
They call this guy the King because his pimp hand is strongest in the host club. Right here he’s doing some kung-fu grip mind control shit with this bitch’s chin to make her go down on him. Damn, I wish I had superpowers like on TV.
These dudes are twins and their special move is that they act like fags. Then when the chick’s guard is down they like run a train on that ass. That’s a pretty good idea but I’m not about to do any of that real shit like the lesbians on Girls Gone Wild. I wouldn’t trust another man to act like he’s touching my package either. Cause like, it’s pretty huge. Even if he was straight before what if he like changes his mind all of a sudden and just fuckin’ goes for the grab? I can’t be like “WHOA THERE FAGGOT-IN-TRAINING, WE’RE JUST DOING THIS FOR POON”, because then the girls just leave and all I get out of the deal is a hand on my nuts. Shit is dangerous. But these guys are really good at it so it works every time, even though they could like slip into gayness at any moment. I heard once that this is how you get pussy at anime conventions, but I think it’s like an urban radio legend or whatever they call that shit.
This guy’s name is Honey. It’s one of those things where like, the guy is so fuckin’ badass that he gives himself a really pussy name, so that when people are like “hey pussy, nice pussy name”, he fuckin’ does a backflip and breaks your neck. They call him a “lolishota”. I don’t know what that is but I think it’s some kinda martial art like Hokuto Shinken because this kid’s a fuckin’ ninja or some shit. Matter of fact? Dude check this shit out. At fuckin’ 2:49 this kid is all like TAAAAAAARZAAAAAAAAAN and he totally fuckin’ kicks the shit out of some Jin-Roh-lookin’ motherfuckers. He’s totally harsh.
This dude is like Honey’s bodyguard or something. He doesn’t talk because he’s got this look on his face like “just try something bitch i’ll break yo’ legs”. There’s this one part where this slut totally wants him to bone her, but he’s one of those dudes where like he probably doesn’t even fuckin’ close his eyes when he sleeps because like, Honey might get attacked by enemy ninjas and he might have to fuckin’ do like piledrivers on their shit. I dunno man, I think a real friend would be like “dude don’t worry about me, go hit that”.
This guy is like, the smart one. He’s always scheming and counting shit, like how many rich bitches they nailed and how much they got paid for it. One time this crazy-ass psycho chick thought he was from a videogame, like that time I asked that guy with the mullet at the supermarket if he was Solid Snake. Lol, dude. Solid Snake. But seriously, never date those girls who do that cosplay shit. My ex was like that, and one morning I woke up and she was all crying and bleeding all over my fuckin’ carpet. Then she started chanting some shit about moons and makeup and tried to set the place on fire. Fuckin’ weird.
Anyway this chick comes in and breaks a vase so they tell her it was worth like a kajillion dollars so that she’ll be their fuckin’ slave forever. Pretty hot, right? It kind of reminded me of when I was a pledge.
YEAH, MOTHERFUCKERS, WITH MY COCK. I’ve blossomed a lot of virgins’ aesthetics if you know what I mean. So basically, this show is just like my real life.