1 year ago on 6 May 2012 @ 4:33pm + 151,687 notes
via iamdiabetic (originally rougemarionette)
# lol
# funny

My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god

  • I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
  • When chemists die, they barium.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
  • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
  • I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
  • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
  • We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
  • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
  • The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
  • Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Source:rougemarionette
1 year ago on 24 April 2012 @ 8:14pm + 79,758 notes
via neknekmo (originally battleforcolumbia)
# LMFAOAKJGFKSDsa
# funny
  • Teacher: A long time ago people thought there were only four elements. Can anyone guess what they were?
  • Me: Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished.
  • Teacher:
  • Me:
  • Teacher: What?
  • Me: What?
Source:battleforcolumbia
1 year ago on 29 May 2011 @ 3:37pm + 31,769 notes
via jenbaenium (originally seaofcolors)
# funny
Source:damnyouautocorrect.com
2 years ago on 23 March 2011 @ 1:30am
# funny

drethisandthat:

FUCKING JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES

LMFAO

2 years ago on 1 March 2011 @ 12:25pm + 52,606 notes
via atypelife (originally ninja-hummel)
# funny

English teachers put way more thought into books than the actual authors did.

Teacher: Oh look, there is a raven mentioned. THIS MUST SYMBOLISE DEATH AND HER DESIRE TO FLY AWAY FROM HER LIFE, WHICH IS A FOREBODING FOR HER LATER LEAVING HER VILLAGE!

Author: actually lol i just like birds

Source:ninja-hummel
2 years ago on 19 February 2011 @ 9:30am + 173,112 notes
via staree (originally criticize)
# funny
Source:criticize
2 years ago on 9 February 2011 @ 2:54pm + 66,739 notes
via omg-its-espi-deactivated2011032 (originally kindahateevery0neiknow)
# funny
Source:kindahateevery0neiknow
2 years ago on 26 January 2011 @ 3:13pm + 274,127 notes
via taycreatesmemories (originally -texasissouth-deactivated201107)
# funny

LOL.